Skip to main content

When a marriage sours

IT’S truly depressing when we hear about a marriage going sour. What began as a happy event, complete with fervent affirmations of love, commitment and self-giving, now looks dry and lifeless, and even showing traces of hostility.

But we should never allow sadness, let alone discouragement to dominate us. Failures in life are at best temporary, unless we persist in making them permanent. There is always hope. Solutions to problems are always available. Cures and remedies to whatever is wrong are all there for the asking.

We need to face marital problems with hope and optimism. And so, we need to review a few points to put this issue in its proper perspective with the view of helping everyone involved in these cases—the spouses themselves and those who are in a position to help, like relatives, friends, priests, counselors—resolve the issue effectively.

First of all, we have to look into how couples are prepared for marriage. The couples themselves have to be sure it’s true love that leads them to make a lifelong and all- embracing commitment of marriage.

This love cannot be other than a vital sharing of the love of God, who is the very source, pattern, end and power of love. When this fundamental principle is not clear, we would already have a big problem in the making.

All the pre-marriage classes and seminars given by the parishes and other groups should clarify the true nature and character of marriage as well as its purpose and essential properties of unity and indissolubility.

They should explain why marriage based on true love is very important for the health of the family and of society. Moreover, it should be made clear that marriage is actually a divine vocation, a true, heroic path to sanctity for the couple, where their relation with God is very much at play.

Since it is also a sacrament for the Catholics, marriage is where Christ himself acts as guarantor for its vitality and fruitfulness. Especially when problems and difficulties come, the couples have to be assured of Christ’s grace and support.

The couples have to understand then that marriage has to be approached with a theological mind using spiritual and supernatural means, and not just with some purely human motives using merely material and human means.

They have to understand that to keep their marriage going, the couples need to have first of all as an indispensable requirement a healthy spiritual life, based on prayer, sacrifice, recourse to the sacraments, study of the doctrine, and that attitude of welcoming a continuing process of conversion throughout life.

They have to realize that they need to bank on some effective program of spiritual growth through an on-going system of formation, nourished by specific acts of piety.

They need to continue developing their love for each other, each one “conquering” each other every day by looking for things that would make the other feel loved. The courtship should never end, but should rather evolve into more mature manifestations.

It is in this way that they will keep their love young and strong, ever renewed and able to cope with changing circumstances and situations. Even if physically they will unavoidably suffer decline, their love will continue to be vibrant and creative.

Love, if it’s true and is taken seriously, is always inventive. It knows how to find ways to enter into the heart of the other spouse. No event, whether of the successful type or the opposite, would be a hindrance for love to express itself and grow.

All concerns, trials, challenges and difficulties are faced and tackled with love as the be-all and end-all. They should never be pursued purely on the technical level or for some practical purposes alone.

The search for work and financial stability, for example, should be inspired and subordinated to the love of the spouse and the family. If that search would undermine the love due to the spouse and the family, then it would not be worthwhile.

Obviously, sacrifices will be involved in marriage and family life. Everyone should try his or her best to be generous in this area. But to be realistic, everyone should also be prudent enough to assess up to what point the other spouse can take in terms of sacrifices.


That’s why constant, intimate dialogue between spouses is a must. Everything has to be done to facilitate that dialogue, making it as pleasant and positive as possible. The art of tactful discussion should be learned carefully, considering the varying temperaments, moods, physical and emotional states the couple can find themselves in.

Comments

  1. There are many different approaches one may take in order to successfully participate in premarital counseling before getting married. Premarital success counseling sessions are something that should be discussed with a member of the clergy at your place of worship, whether that be a church or synagogue. Moreover, a professional counselor, psychologist, or other health care expert is able to aid you in this respect. These individuals are trained and qualified to do so.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Empanada festival: A celebration of good taste and good life

By Dominic B. dela Cruz & Leilanie G. Adriano Staff reporters BATAC CITY—If there is one thing Batac is truly proud of, it would be its famous empanada-making business that has nurtured its people over the years. Embracing a century-old culture and culinary tradition, Batac’s empanada claims to be the best and tastiest in the country with its distinctive Ilokano taste courtesy of its local ingredients: fresh grated papaya, mongo, chopped longganisa, and egg. The crispy orange wrapper and is made of rice flour that is deep-fried. The celebration of this city’s famous traditional fast food attracting locals and tourists elsewhere comes with the City Charter Day of Batac every 23 rd  of June. Every year, the City Government of Batac led by Mayor Jeffrey Jubal Nalupta commemorate the city’s charter day celebration to further promote its famous One-Town, One Product, the Batac empanada. Empanada City The Batac empanada festival has already become an annua

PIDS expert says income tax cuts justified; warns gov’t of revenue loss

Proposals to amend the personal income tax schedule appear to be well-justified. However, these proposals should include measures that will allow government to recover the revenue loss from lower income taxes. Dr. Rosario Manasan, senior research fellow of state think-tank Philippine Institute for Development Studies (PIDS), said at a seminar sponsored by the Philippine Senate, that government should look for new revenue measures to compensate for the projected revenue loss that will arise as a result of the implementation of any of the various proposals to restructure the personal income tax. Currently, there are several income tax reform proposals pending in both houses of Congress. All of them, according to Dr. Manasan, have the same objective of addressing the phenomenon of bracket creep, which results from “non-indexation to inflation of personal income tax brackets”. Simply put, bracket creep occurs when employees’ income increases over time as a result of inflation. Th

PGIN honors Ilocano heroes of past, present through Heroes Walk

SPO1 Allan Lampitoc Franco of Banna, Ilocos Norte and PO2 Jovalyn D. Lozano of Adams, Ilocos Norte receive a resolution of commendation, a certificate of college scholarship grant to their family members and a P20,000 cash incentive each from the Provincial Government of Ilocos Norte represented by Governor Imee R. Marcos and Vice Governor Angelo M. Barba in recognition of their bravery and heroic acts in the Mamasapano clash in Maguindanao on January 25. Mr. Franco and Mr. Lozano were recognized on March 10 in time for the unveiling of the second batch of Ilocano heroes at the Heroes Walk located along the Sirib Mile in Laoag City.  (Lei Adriano) By Jennifer T. Pambid PGIN-CMO In honor of the heroes who brought freedom, fame and glory to the province as well as to the country in the past century, the Provincial Government of Ilocos Norte (PGIN) through the Education Department and Sirib Youth Office launched the second batch of Ilocano Heroes Walk on March 10, 2015.